Dear boring people,
You make my world stop in its tracks. Why must you make me snore? Come on now, taking pictures of drinks is not the least bit exciting, unless, in the course of making these drinks you have enough to also make a hilarious video of you trying to jump off your balcony into the kiddie pool, then that would be interesting. Life isn't meant to be boring. Try something new for fuck's sake, instead of making electronica music, taking pictures of drinks and doing fuckin back flips. No one cares. Really. It's not nearly as exciting as some people will let you think.
Sincerely,
Lex
Monday, August 4, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
To: Store Manager
Dear Store Manager,
It was all fun and games for me to help when you needed, but 7 days in a row with one day off and then a 6am shift following is not fun, especially since you split the week in half so I get no extra pay. I get 7 days and I was ok, until on my 2nd day I had to recover all the problems of the store and when I called you, which you told me to do, you were irritated. Thanks a bunch. I love that I got totally effed because you felt like scheduling wrong for me and everybody else, yet you get the usual happy 5 days in the morning. Sounds like a good week for you. I am no minion. I get a three days weekend out of it because you left me in charge, so I rescheduled people and you get to come back next week without me taking up the slack on your weekend, hope it sucks for you.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
It was all fun and games for me to help when you needed, but 7 days in a row with one day off and then a 6am shift following is not fun, especially since you split the week in half so I get no extra pay. I get 7 days and I was ok, until on my 2nd day I had to recover all the problems of the store and when I called you, which you told me to do, you were irritated. Thanks a bunch. I love that I got totally effed because you felt like scheduling wrong for me and everybody else, yet you get the usual happy 5 days in the morning. Sounds like a good week for you. I am no minion. I get a three days weekend out of it because you left me in charge, so I rescheduled people and you get to come back next week without me taking up the slack on your weekend, hope it sucks for you.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
Thursday, June 5, 2008
To: Arabic 101-203
Dear Arabic 101-203,
I hate and love you. I have worked almost everyday for two school years to pass you, but I am extremely utterly done with you. After tomorrow you are done and I am done. PEACE OUT!
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
I hate and love you. I have worked almost everyday for two school years to pass you, but I am extremely utterly done with you. After tomorrow you are done and I am done. PEACE OUT!
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
To: The People's Court
Dear People's Court,
Five days a week your show appears on the only channel I have. Your show is almost the worst thing I have had to watch ever. It would be great if you would not play before and during my two o'clock class so that I could enjoy some quality television before school or after I leave work in the morning. I hate you with passions of a thousand romance novels, the passion of a million mothers, with the burning of hundreds of main sequence stars. Please never air on television again.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
Five days a week your show appears on the only channel I have. Your show is almost the worst thing I have had to watch ever. It would be great if you would not play before and during my two o'clock class so that I could enjoy some quality television before school or after I leave work in the morning. I hate you with passions of a thousand romance novels, the passion of a million mothers, with the burning of hundreds of main sequence stars. Please never air on television again.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
Friday, May 23, 2008
To: Three Boys of Mine
Dear Three Boys of Mine,
I missed being one of the boys ever since coming to college. Everybody from my hometown knew me as one of the guys and I got used to goofin around, being stupid, drinkin and watchin dumb TV and movies and all those other things we do. I finally found you guys in Eugene and I have been having so much fun, like last night, randomly bursting a court into session while drunk after carelessly wrestling and casually poking fun at each others physical features. I don't want to lose out on future fun with you boys so don't piss me off, please.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
I missed being one of the boys ever since coming to college. Everybody from my hometown knew me as one of the guys and I got used to goofin around, being stupid, drinkin and watchin dumb TV and movies and all those other things we do. I finally found you guys in Eugene and I have been having so much fun, like last night, randomly bursting a court into session while drunk after carelessly wrestling and casually poking fun at each others physical features. I don't want to lose out on future fun with you boys so don't piss me off, please.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
Thursday, May 22, 2008
To: Leaf blower man
Dear leaf blower man,
It is not your job to blow off all the sidewalks the fuckin' neighborhood. Put your leaf blower away and do something that's quieter. Thank you.
Love always,
Lex
It is not your job to blow off all the sidewalks the fuckin' neighborhood. Put your leaf blower away and do something that's quieter. Thank you.
Love always,
Lex
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
To: Customers in a Hurry
Dear Customer in a Hurry,
I know what it is like to have a job in which you only have a certain amount of time to get food, consume, and be back on the clock, however, I don't go to places at lunch rush that I know will not get me out fast. If you walk into a shop and see that it's crammed and you want everybody to drop what they are doing to get you your bagel with special cream cheese and wrap it for you along with a small coffee, then you can go F yourself.
Same with any retail store. Like home Depot lumber department, when I was there and you, stupid middle aged woman, came in on your half hour lunch and wanted me to load 3 panels of particle board for you in 5 minutes, I made you angry on purpose, you stupid C face.
Bring your own lunch, prioritize better or get your bagel sandwhich before work or I will jab my finger into your eye socket.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
I know what it is like to have a job in which you only have a certain amount of time to get food, consume, and be back on the clock, however, I don't go to places at lunch rush that I know will not get me out fast. If you walk into a shop and see that it's crammed and you want everybody to drop what they are doing to get you your bagel with special cream cheese and wrap it for you along with a small coffee, then you can go F yourself.
Same with any retail store. Like home Depot lumber department, when I was there and you, stupid middle aged woman, came in on your half hour lunch and wanted me to load 3 panels of particle board for you in 5 minutes, I made you angry on purpose, you stupid C face.
Bring your own lunch, prioritize better or get your bagel sandwhich before work or I will jab my finger into your eye socket.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
To: Jeff Merkley
Dear Jeff Merkley Politico Man,
You continuously say that Steve Novick says bad things about all the candidates running for positions around the country, but yet your advertisments sting Steve Novick specifically about him saying bad things. How ironic are your comments about talking shit if that's what you are doing in your commercials? I'm confused, please explain.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
You continuously say that Steve Novick says bad things about all the candidates running for positions around the country, but yet your advertisments sting Steve Novick specifically about him saying bad things. How ironic are your comments about talking shit if that's what you are doing in your commercials? I'm confused, please explain.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
To Grandpa Kenn The Bowling Man,
I remember my papa well even though he died when I was 11, but until now I never knew anybody so wonderful. You made bowling more fun than ever and remind me of my papa so much. I hope I can make you proud and get a chance to talk to you every Tuesday for years to come. Thanks.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
I remember my papa well even though he died when I was 11, but until now I never knew anybody so wonderful. You made bowling more fun than ever and remind me of my papa so much. I hope I can make you proud and get a chance to talk to you every Tuesday for years to come. Thanks.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
To Ignorant Oregon Drivers,
Oregon drivers have the possibility to not be the slowest drivers in the country and yet seem to never take advantage of our own laws. I want to install a set of large sharp objects to the front of my car so that when I get behind you, the slow moving asshole, I can tap the back of your car to let you know just how annoying you and your ignorance are. THE LAW STATES THAT: You can drive up to 10 miles per hour faster than what the Oregon speed signs say (depending on weather of course) except for in school zones when children are present. I hate getting behind you when you want to go 33 in a 35 because you think the speed LIMIT is 35 when in reality there is no LIMIT, the actual word, written on our signs like in other states. GET IT TOGETHER BEFORE I DECIDE THAT I DON'T CARE WHAT THE FRONT OF MY CAR LOOKS LIKE AND RAM INTO YOUR TRUNK AND DRIVE OFF WHILE GIVING YOU MY SPECIAL MIDDLE FINGER TURN SIGNAL.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
Oregon drivers have the possibility to not be the slowest drivers in the country and yet seem to never take advantage of our own laws. I want to install a set of large sharp objects to the front of my car so that when I get behind you, the slow moving asshole, I can tap the back of your car to let you know just how annoying you and your ignorance are. THE LAW STATES THAT: You can drive up to 10 miles per hour faster than what the Oregon speed signs say (depending on weather of course) except for in school zones when children are present. I hate getting behind you when you want to go 33 in a 35 because you think the speed LIMIT is 35 when in reality there is no LIMIT, the actual word, written on our signs like in other states. GET IT TOGETHER BEFORE I DECIDE THAT I DON'T CARE WHAT THE FRONT OF MY CAR LOOKS LIKE AND RAM INTO YOUR TRUNK AND DRIVE OFF WHILE GIVING YOU MY SPECIAL MIDDLE FINGER TURN SIGNAL.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel
Saturday, May 10, 2008
To: Ass-crack man
Dear ass-crack man,
I don't need to see your ass-crack. Please pull up your pants. I might be tempted to put a quarter in that slot.
Love always,
Lex
I don't need to see your ass-crack. Please pull up your pants. I might be tempted to put a quarter in that slot.
Love always,
Lex
Friday, May 9, 2008
To: The deer on the road
Dear deer,
Thank you for moving out of the way of my car last night. It would have really sucked to hit you. I don't want deer through my windshield. Enjoy the rest of your deer-ish life.
Love always,
Lex
Thank you for moving out of the way of my car last night. It would have really sucked to hit you. I don't want deer through my windshield. Enjoy the rest of your deer-ish life.
Love always,
Lex
Thursday, May 8, 2008
To: The Woman on the Bus
Dear woman on the bus,
Your child has the cutest smile I have seen in a long time, but please, for the love of god, don't make her wear that hat. It's terrible.
Love always,
Lex
Your child has the cutest smile I have seen in a long time, but please, for the love of god, don't make her wear that hat. It's terrible.
Love always,
Lex
To the reader
Dear reader,
It's good to see you! Thank you for stopping by. I have been known to write letters to things and people in my head and out loud, so I thought I would make a blog to share them. Hopefully they will be amusing. If you write letters like I do, or would like to start, let me know! I'll make you a blog author and you can post too! Send me an e-mail: af4ceoxlite@yahoo.com. That is all.
Love always,
Lex
It's good to see you! Thank you for stopping by. I have been known to write letters to things and people in my head and out loud, so I thought I would make a blog to share them. Hopefully they will be amusing. If you write letters like I do, or would like to start, let me know! I'll make you a blog author and you can post too! Send me an e-mail: af4ceoxlite@yahoo.com. That is all.
Love always,
Lex
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