To: all the boring people in the world

Dear boring people,
You make my world stop in its tracks. Why must you make me snore? Come on now, taking pictures of drinks is not the least bit exciting, unless, in the course of making these drinks you have enough to also make a hilarious video of you trying to jump off your balcony into the kiddie pool, then that would be interesting. Life isn't meant to be boring. Try something new for fuck's sake, instead of making electronica music, taking pictures of drinks and doing fuckin back flips. No one cares. Really. It's not nearly as exciting as some people will let you think.

Sincerely,
Lex

To: Store Manager

Dear Store Manager,
It was all fun and games for me to help when you needed, but 7 days in a row with one day off and then a 6am shift following is not fun, especially since you split the week in half so I get no extra pay. I get 7 days and I was ok, until on my 2nd day I had to recover all the problems of the store and when I called you, which you told me to do, you were irritated. Thanks a bunch. I love that I got totally effed because you felt like scheduling wrong for me and everybody else, yet you get the usual happy 5 days in the morning. Sounds like a good week for you. I am no minion. I get a three days weekend out of it because you left me in charge, so I rescheduled people and you get to come back next week without me taking up the slack on your weekend, hope it sucks for you.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel

To: Arabic 101-203

Dear Arabic 101-203,
I hate and love you. I have worked almost everyday for two school years to pass you, but I am extremely utterly done with you. After tomorrow you are done and I am done. PEACE OUT!
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel

To: The People's Court

Dear People's Court,
Five days a week your show appears on the only channel I have. Your show is almost the worst thing I have had to watch ever. It would be great if you would not play before and during my two o'clock class so that I could enjoy some quality television before school or after I leave work in the morning. I hate you with passions of a thousand romance novels, the passion of a million mothers, with the burning of hundreds of main sequence stars. Please never air on television again.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel

To: Three Boys of Mine

Dear Three Boys of Mine,
I missed being one of the boys ever since coming to college. Everybody from my hometown knew me as one of the guys and I got used to goofin around, being stupid, drinkin and watchin dumb TV and movies and all those other things we do. I finally found you guys in Eugene and I have been having so much fun, like last night, randomly bursting a court into session while drunk after carelessly wrestling and casually poking fun at each others physical features. I don't want to lose out on future fun with you boys so don't piss me off, please.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel

To: Leaf blower man

Dear leaf blower man,

It is not your job to blow off all the sidewalks the fuckin' neighborhood. Put your leaf blower away and do something that's quieter. Thank you.

Love always,
Lex

To: Customers in a Hurry

Dear Customer in a Hurry,
I know what it is like to have a job in which you only have a certain amount of time to get food, consume, and be back on the clock, however, I don't go to places at lunch rush that I know will not get me out fast. If you walk into a shop and see that it's crammed and you want everybody to drop what they are doing to get you your bagel with special cream cheese and wrap it for you along with a small coffee, then you can go F yourself.
Same with any retail store. Like home Depot lumber department, when I was there and you, stupid middle aged woman, came in on your half hour lunch and wanted me to load 3 panels of particle board for you in 5 minutes, I made you angry on purpose, you stupid C face.
Bring your own lunch, prioritize better or get your bagel sandwhich before work or I will jab my finger into your eye socket.
Love Always,
Raptor Rachel